concern

I got a weird email yesterday. I've had the flu this week and haven't been to work. The booker wrote me an email detailing how many people are concerned about me and how my lifestyle to quote Met***ica could become my deathstyle. I'm a big fucker for sure. 150 kilos. I'm asthmatic and I smoke. I get fuck all excercise. But I don't feel like I'm going to die anytime soon. I know that's probably naive and stupid but I kind of have to believe that or I'll go mad. If I was to look in the mirror every day and say Paddy my friend, you're a morbidly obese smoking asthmatic who'll be lucky if he sees fifty I'd probably neck myself on the spot. I know I have to change. But I can't lose faith completely or I'll throw in the towel. I know this doesn't make sense and I have to change. But don't crush me completely kid. I'm more fragile than I look.