Thursday, September 25, 2008

the gambler

i've been a bit yo-yo for a couple of weeks. I'm not the most stable fucker in the world at the best of times, but to be honest the last fortnight has been a really uncertain time for me. Not all of my own doing either. The prospect of a worldwide recession (or dare we say it, a depression) is not a keen inducement to strike out into the cesspool that is bidness yet again. There's ton of reasons for and against and I reckon I've gone over them all in my mind time and time again. I hate the idea of putting the missus in an invidious financial position again but she's urging me to do my damndest. I know I've got the minerals and the ability but I'm not sure if I've got the resilience both mental and physical for another crack at the bigtime. The tease is that if I pull the next one off I won't have to work again. And that's a mighty big pull. The catch is am I fit enough for another big push. The other big lure is to doing the right thing by the girl. If I do shuffle off a bit premature it would be sweet to leave her well set up. After a dozen or so vodka and tonics that's where I find myself. Between a rock and a hard place.

3 comments:

cogidubnus said...

You're restless...to be otherwise is not, I sense, in your soul...you're more unhappy out of the world you know so well than you ever anticipated being...

Looking head on at your "big time" potentialities, the key questions, I suppose are of true motivation...the missus and/or the boozey, day at a time, lifestyle ... you say she's with you, but is that willingly for her own part, or willingly because she's seen you chewing your fingernails too short, too long? (oh god I'm good...didja geddit yet?)...

Don't get me wrong...I'm not knocking you mate...far too much respect for anybody who takes their own fate in their self-employed hands...but...

(Do bear in mind though, I'm 55 tomorrow and most of the the security I'd wish on the missus is locked up in a company pension fund!)

paddy said...

cheers cog, i should probably restrain my posting when i'm in my cups a touch. thanks for the kind and honest words sir.

cogidubnus said...

Don't you "sir" me you bastard! (heh heh)